Day 202: Pregnancy test day.

Originally scheduled for Thursday, July 21.

The Book wants me to piss on it. Seriously. To see if I’m pregnant.

When I was in high school, one of the local (and by “local” I mean “Dallas”) radio stations — 97.1 “The Eagle” — had a pair of late-evening DJs: Kramer and Twitch.

I didn’t listen to the Eagle much — it was a “hard rock” station at the time, and that wasn’t/isn’t really my thing — but I listened to Kramer and Twitch’s show at least once, because I remember a prank call they made on the air.

I don’t remember all the details — I remember almost none of the details, actually, about the call or about where I was driving from or towards at the time — so I can’t give the joke a proper setup. The punchline, though, is that they got some random dude to piss all over his dining room table.

Seriously. I think they pretended to be from the CDC, or some such place, and convinced the guy that he might have contracted some disease or other; they needed him to piss on a flat surface, like a table, I think so that they could ask him questions about color and consistency? Like I said, the details are fuzzy. The punchline, though, that’s gold.

I don’t know why that bit of radio tomfoolery has stuck with me so long — crazy dudes call a guy on the air and talk him into pissing all over his own table — but it has, and it was the first thing that came into my mind when I saw this task. So I knew, you see, that when someone or something asks you to piss in a nonstandard place — a place you’re not comfortable pissing — you’re probably being trolled.

I pissed on the Book anyway, obviously. Why the hell not?


3 Comments on “Day 202: Pregnancy test day.”

  1. The Wife says:

    Well, that last bit is so unbelievable, I don’t know who would buy it. You would never desecrate a holy object – all books of all kinds – by any means, least (or nearly least) of all by urinating on it. (You can’t even bring yourself to put them in a box in the attic…)

  2. […] Posted: Jul 27, 2011 | Author: hgoldsmith | Filed under: The Book | Tags: bad jokes, bodily functions, trolling, urine | 1 Comment » […]

    • hgoldsmith says:

      This is obviously spam, but the — translation, I guess? — of my original post is worth reading. I thought it was entertaining, anyway.

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