Day 144: Men-only day.Posted: May 24, 2011
Really, this is “Do manly things day” – and, as always, the suggestions the Book gives are less than compelling. Pee on a wall? I pee in my compost pile every day. Fill a shopping cart with nothing but beer? The distributor makes a stop at my house. Leave the seat up? That’s just inconsiderate, if you share a toilet with a woman – and being inconsiderate isn’t manly.
So I followed the Book’s instructions and did manly things today, and it was awesome.
I got my son dressed and delivered to school – because ensuring the survival of your offspring and the propagation of your genetic code is, really, the manliest thing there is.
I did some yard work. Then I went to the hardware store, and then I did some more yard work. I had beer with lunch, and lunch was baked beans out of a can. I didn’t actually eat them out of the can, because my daughter put them in a saucepan to warm them up – but I did eat them out of the saucepan, with the giant spoon she’d used to stir them. Then I cleaned my kitchen.
Because peeing outside isn’t a big deal, I took a shit outside – a big, nasty, smelly shit. …I really have no idea why I wrote that, because it’s not even true, and who wants to read that kind of thing? I’m going to leave it, though. Why not?
I went to the gym this afternoon to “pump iron” with my “bro” – and let me tell you, that iron didn’t know which way was up when we got done with it. Even manlier: I biked to the gym, a whole seven miles from my house. Seven miles isn’t actually that far, and each leg was more painful than it should have been. It was actually a bit humbling, but that’s okay: humility is also manly.
I made a fucking roast for dinner. I cut up onions for it, and didn’t cry. I cooked it in an entire bottle of wine, and drank a second bottle while I was cooking it – and I drank it straight from the bottle.
…I think that’s it. I took a shower? I washed the dishes? I watched the rain?
Close enough. Now I’m going to watch Dawn of the Dead – for science!