Day 114: Tattoo a banana.

As with so many things, choosing the right tool was imperative.

I used a chopstick. I worked alright, although I had to re-draw (re-bruise?) a fair amount of the design because it didn’t make a deep enough impression the first time (insert obligatory “that’s what she said” here). A toothpick might’ve worked better, but it probably would have required several, as toothpicks are much easier to break than chopsticks.

Here’s the result:

Not the best banana tattoo ever, but not bad for a first try.

I don’t know why I’m trying this, though. I drew on a banana with a chopstick; big fucking deal. What do I do with it now? —Don’t answer that. I ate it, that’s what. The tattooing didn’t seem to have affected the flavor; it was a day or two shy of ripe, but still tasty enough. I mean, it wasn’t tasty like an apple banana or bananas foster – which I’m actually sort of neutral on, so maybe that’s a bad example – but other tasty banana things aren’t coming to mind —— anyway, the point is that the banana was edible, and mildly satisfying.

Banana tattoos strike me as being much like latte art, in that both are things people do to food to make it look pretty before they consume it. I see no point, really: coffee turns to piss no matter what it looked like before I drank it, and bananas to shit in like manner. Some people disagree, of course, which is why there are sites like the Tattooed Banana – you can’t make this shit up – but I can, which is why you read this blog, right? – except the Tattooed Banana is, amazingly, legit – though not so legit that it can’t quit for long periods of time before updating with more banana-art pictures —— where was I? Oh, right: some people like unnecessarily pretty food, and make websites about their weird pretty-food fetishes.

As an aside: “pretty food fetish” is not a safe google search.

I think you should all tattoo a banana, at least once, because then you’ll get to experience that moment where you say to yourself: “Self, you’re drawing on a banana with a chopstick. What the fuck are we doing that for? I don’t know. I’m going to keep doing it, though, and then I’m going to take a picture of this banana and put it on the internet, and then I’m going to eat the damned thing. …the banana, not the internet.” That’s a moment everyone should get to experience.

Also, the other side of my banana says “bullshit.” Just so you know.

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