Day 101: Become a chocolate junkie.Posted: April 11, 2011
According to the Book, chocolate contains theobromine and anandamide, and boosts serotonin levels in the brain – and, in large enough quantities, will produce “an addictive high followed by a crash followed by a craving response,” which is what the Book wants me to experience. In order to get this sort of buzz from chocolate, though, one has to eat twenty-five pounds of the stuff.
I don’t think I could eat twenty-five pounds of anything in one day, let alone something that would become increasingly nauseating after, say, the half-pound mark – and I’m probably overestimating how much chocolate I could eat before the sight of it made me want to vomit. I don’t know, and I don’t really want to find out.
In order to pull this task off, I needed to pair the chocolate with something more readily habit-forming — preferably something I already consume regularly – so that I could get myself into a “high/crash/craving” cycle.
I briefly considered a chocolate stout, but rejected that idea for two reasons: there’s not enough chocolate in a chocolate stout, and drinking a four-pack of stouts would make it difficult to do the reading I need to get done tonight — some Cranmer and some Milton — and would certainly ensure that I retained very little of it in the morning.
The obvious solution? Chocolate-covered coffee beans.
Chocolate + caffeine = buzz and crash and craving; rinse, lather, and repeat, right? Well, sort of. I picked up some CCCBs at Central Market, in the bulk section, and munched on them all the way home. And once I got home. And after dinner. And after I put the kids to bed.
Nothing. No buzz, and therefore no crash, and therefore no craving – or, rather, no new craving, because I already don’t function well with no caffeine. But the CCCBs did nothing. I’m tired, I’m ready to sleep, I’m dozing off right this very moment, trying to blog when I’d really rather be snoring. Except I don’t snore, but you know what I mean.
So much for the getting-hooked-on-chocolate plan. I guess I’ll just have to stick to coffee and booze, because coffee and booze never fail me.
Chocolate, though – chocolate has let me down for the last time. Chocolate is anathema, excommunicated, cursed. Chocolate is dead to me. I’ll never eat chocolate again.
Well, until tomorrow: I still have some chocolate-covered coffee beans, and I’m probably going to eat them for breakfast.