Day 94: Avoid all sources of electromagnetic energy.Posted: April 4, 2011
If I’m avoiding all sources of electromagnetic radiation today, I think I have to stop existing. Right?
Even if I’m just avoiding all man-made sources of electromagnetic radiation, I’m still in trouble, because there are radio waves all around us, all the time, and I’m not about to wear an aluminum-foil suit all day.
Fortunately, the Book only wants me to avoid those things that are “known to the state of California to cause cancer”: high-voltage powerlines, microwave ovens, radio/TV/cell-phone towers, electric blankets, and
peacemakers pacemakers. I don’t normally hang out around any of those things, so this was a pretty easy task, I guess?
The pacemakers make me nervous, though – surely they don’t generate much electromagnetic radiation? Surely my cellphone and my laptop – two things I use all the time – generate more? And my phone and computer partake of the great æther of information known as “wifi” – and that wifi stuff can’t be good for me, either, right? I mean “not good for me” in the sense of giving me cancer eventually, because the wifi also allows me to enjoy things like “Hipster Ariel” and Zombocom, and those things are definitely good for me.
Probably I should have avoided using my phone or my laptop or the desktop computer today, just to be on the safe side. How would I have written this post, then? I could have written it yesterday, and just scheduled it to publish today – but that would have been cheating, to have written about doing a thing before doing it but as though I’d already done it. Alternatively, I could have gone without internet-capable technology all day today, written today’s post tomorrow, and scheduled it to be published in the past – that is, today.
I think that would work. I guess it did work, if you’re reading this on the 4th of April, 2011 – the day on which I used no technology and the day before I wrote the post that was published the day before it was written. If you’re reading it at a later date, I guess it doesn’t matter if this post was published before it was written, because both the publishing and the writing happened in your past – and if you’re reading it at all, it means I didn’t collapse the universe by violating the laws of physics. Good job, me!
If you’re not reading this, though, we might have some problems. Someone should double-check that the universe still exists.