Day 67: One-day detox.

It’s ironic that this should fall on Fat Tuesday – especially because the Book’s idea of detoxification is eating nothing.

Well, I can’t eat nothing. I cease to function in the early afternoon if I fast all morning. But it also didn’t feel right to ignore the Book completely and indulge in the sort of gluttony that one can get away with on Fat Tuesday. Ah, a dilemma! On the horns of which I was this morning!

I decided to split the difference, and eat like it was a normal day. Nobody wants to know what I ate today, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

I had biscuits and jelly for breakfast, instead of pancakes or waffles or a dozen doughnuts. I drank my coffee black, instead of with cream and sugar as is my wont. I had free sandwiches for lunch (any meeting in the building that occurs anytime anywhere near noon involves food from some local restaurant or other, and there are always leftovers. BAM. FREE SANDWICHES). I had a late dinner of homemade pasta carbonara, courtesy of Mr. Jared Warren (I also drank his beer and his bourbon).

Really, though, I’m happy with the amount of toxins in my body. I’m active, though I don’t “exercise,” and my diet is reasonably healthy. If I were going to go to the trouble of “cleansing” myself, I’d want to stay “clean” afterwards, right? Which would mean no coffee, and no alcohol, and no coffee-and-alcohol, and no cheesecake, and no cigars, and no bacon. Early to bed, early to rise. Calisthenics. Jogging. Cold showers.

I don’t want to live like that. I refuse to live like that. My God, sir, I will not abide another toe!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need another drink…


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