Day 41: Apply for a knighthood.Posted: February 10, 2011
Apparently, becoming a knight is as easy as sending a letter to the British Prime Minister detailing the “exceptional achievement or service you feel merits the award of a knighthood.” The hard part, I guess, is actually achieving the “exceptional achievements” – but just making them up is probably fine, right?
Before I started making stuff up, though, I needed to know what kinds of “achievements” would get me my knighthood. After a bit of digging, I realized I had to ask a different question first: What sort of knighthood should I apply for? Because there are so fucking many it’s ridiculous.
Ian McKellan, for instance, is a Knight Bachelor, a Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE), and a Companion of Honour (CH). Tolkien was also a CBE, Patrick Stewart is an OBE (O=officer), and T.S. Eliot (an American) was an OM. They’re all pretty cool dudes, but a bit intimidating. Are there any knights (or dames) that would be easier to emulate? I somehow doubt it – even the list of people who have declined honours of one sort or another is full of badasses (Yeats, Aldous Huxley, C.S. Lewis, David Bowie, Keith fucking Richards).
Maybe, instead of going through the process of trying bluff my way into some sort of knighthood – and actually trying to earn one is totally out of the question – I mean, J.K. Rowling is an OBE, and Alan Rickman’s got nothing? WTF is up with that? — maybe, I say, I should just start putting letters after my name and call it done.
His Lordship Sir Dr. Harley Christopher Goldsmith, CH, CBE, OM, KT, KG, KCMG, LVO has a nice ring to it, right?