Day 16: Discreetly give the finger to people all day today.Posted: January 16, 2011
This was not as easy as it should have been – I mean, I give people the finger all the time – but I wasn’t sure how much discretion to use. Should the intended recipient notice the gesture, or not? Was a bit of collateral
fingering damage acceptable, or not? Should I give the finger randomly, or only with provocation (and how much)?
I did a test at church this morning: every time I crossed myself, I used my middle finger. I’m not entirely sure who I was flipping off, but nobody noticed, and I wasn’t struck by lightning – a successful test, I think. On the ride home, I rested my middle fingers on my bike’s brake levers (an uncomfortable and not-particularly-effective position) – but, as I encountered a minimal amount of traffic, I’m not sure this accomplished anything. Certainly nobody honked or yelled or gestured back.
Jack and I were home alone all afternoon, so I had few opportunities to flip surreptitious birds – flipping off your three-year-old when he’s not looking is only fun so many times, after all. We have a picture window in our living room, and I spent some time sitting on the couch (which is on the opposite wall), bourbon in hand, flipping off cars as they went past – but not many did, and I doubt any of the few people who did drive past noticed.
By five, I was tired of casting my finger on barren ground, so I threw caution and discretion to the wind, and flipped off Twitter. Nobody’s responded, so far, but I bet that picture is one day as iconic as this one.
When my wife finally came home, and asked if we could wash the sheets, I flipped her off, twice: the first time she didn’t notice (success!), and the second time she just laughed at me. Yeah, that’s love. At least she didn’t make me give the dogs a bath…
Fuck it, dude, let’s go bowling.