Day 12: What’s Your Type?Posted: January 12, 2011
First: in the event that I was at a drunken party, and had become inebriated enough that I was unable to remember my “type,” it’s doubtful that I would remember to remove this page from my wallet, consult it, carefully replace it in my wallet, and locate a woman at the party who was a match.
First and a half: how am I supposed to keep the page in a usable condition? If I’m consulting it at drunken parties where I’m attempting to initiate sexual congress with another inebriated person, the page is likely to be exposed to a variety of fluids – so laminating it makes sense. But then, it becomes unwieldy – too large to fit into my wallet, certainly. (I suppose I could take a photo of it with my phone, but then my phone is at risk of unwanted moistenings…)
Second: those “types” are my only options? Really? Hair color does nothing for me; I focus on other characteristics.
While I was trying to compose a more useful list of “types,” however, I had a bit of an existential crisis: I don’t think I have a “type” that I prefer. Aren’t guys supposed to have a type? Does this mean I’m not really a “guy”? (Is that really such a bad thing? Aren’t “guys” basically Neanderthals?) Or does it mean that my tastes in woman are so catholic, so inclusive, that a single criteria doesn’t even come close to defining them? Yeah, we’ll go with that one.
Of course, this is all a moot point, as I don’t really “do” drunken parties (I hate hangovers), and the only woman I can successfully pick up is my wife (but she’s gorgeous, so I’m okay with that).
To sum up: if I ever find myself at a drunken party, trying to pick up a woman, I will have no idea what sort of woman I should try to pick up, and will inevitably be disappointed in the morning.