Day 7: Masturbate at 13.56 to the following fantasy:

“MEN: Two blondes. Doing it. Together.”

Most days, this wouldn’t have been a problem, though two in the afternoon isn’t always the most convenient time. Today, however, I spent most of the day in the crawlspace under my house – which is now nice and muddy – trying to fix a broken pipe. Note that I said “trying”: soldering copper plumbing in a clean, dry garage is a lot easier than soldering copper plumbing in a cramped, muddy crawlspace. It doesn’t help that I’ve never done it before, either.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “fixing your pipe” is totally a euphemism for masturbation, right? Like “churning some butter” or “emptying the bilge tank” or “fording the moat” or “opening a bottle of wine” – right?

Sure. Whatever you say. I spent all day “under the house” “in the mud” “fixing some pipe” with a “propane torch” – and man, am I ever sore. I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.

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One Comment on “Day 7: Masturbate at 13.56 to the following fantasy:”

  1. […] that the same thing that had kept me from consulting the Book – a final, unsuccessful attempt to fix my plumbing myself – had also prevented me from accessing the internet. And while it’s not exactly a […]


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